


Empty

by secretflame



Category: Victorious (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:55:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21879991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretflame/pseuds/secretflame
Summary: Jade has been let go by the person she loved.Tori wants to try her hand at friendship one more time.In the throes of heartbreak, can something new be discovered?
Relationships: Tori Vega/Jade West
Comments: 14
Kudos: 268





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally published elsewhere, but I figured it was time to move to AO3! Some things have been edited, but the core of the story is the same as it was.

"You're leaving me."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement. A truth that hung in the air in front of them, thick and undeniable.

He nodded, refusing to look her in the eye. "Yes. I am."

"Why?"

His eyes shifted back and forth, hands clasped together. "I'm….I’m not happy. And I don't think you are either."

She stood up, walking over to the window. Her fingers curled around the wooden sill, splinters cutting painfully into her skin. She didn't say a word.

He stood up, coming up behind her. "I'm sorry, Jade," he began, placing a hand on her shoulder. "But…"

She whirled around, her eyes full of tears and fury. "Don't touch me, Beck. Don't fucking touch me."

He backed off, hands held out in front of him. "I just don't want you to be angry with me. I'm…I'm doing this for both of us."

She laughed, the sound harsh and unforgiving as she shook her head. "No, Beck, you're doing this for you. Just like everything you do. You've never given a fuck about me, or how I feel."

He shook his head, eyes tired and heavy. "That's not true, Jade. I always cared. That's why I'm doing this."

Jade's eyes burned with fire and tears as she lifted her hand, and pointed at the door. "Get out. Now."

Beck sighed, but he turned around and began slowly walking towards the door. "This isn't how I wanted this to go." He grasped the door handle, looking back over his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

She stood there, arms crossed tight across her chest. "Fuck you."

He looked at her once more before opening the door. "Goodbye, Jade."

The door clicked shut behind him, leaving her alone in the dark.

* * *

The glow of the tv provided the only light in the apartment, casting an eerie glow over everything near it. Green, blue.

Jade lay on the sofa, watching the mindless sitcom that played on the television screen. Her eyes were open, staring at the show, watching, but not seeing.

_His hand caressed her cheek. "I love you."_

She blinked, her eyes coming back into focus.

_"I love you, too."_

The laugh track on the sitcom rang out.

_"I promise. This is forever."_

She took a deep breath, shaking quietly.

_"Forever."_

A loud knocking broke her out of her stupor.

"Jade, open the door!" she heard a voice ring out, followed by more hammering against the door. She ignored it, not moving an inch.

"Jade, I know you're in there! Open the door!"

She gritted her teeth, pent up rage overwhelming her. She swung her legs off the sofa, walking briskly to the door.

She grabbed the handle, twisting it and yanking the door open. "Who the fuck do you think you…." The rest of her sentence died on her lips as she saw who was standing in front of her.

Tori looked up at her, biting her lip. "Hey…." Her hand, which had been poised to knock again, made its way to the back of her head, scratching it nervously. "I…didn't think you'd actually answer."

Jade stared at her. "What are you doing here, Vega?" she whispered, knuckles white as her hand clenched around the handle even tighter.

Tori moved past her, stepping inside the apartment. "I….just wanted to check up on you."

Jade took a deep breath, not moving to shut the door. "Beck called you."

Tori walked into the living room, sitting down on the sofa. "Yes."

Jade stood at the door a moment longer, staring at Tori. "I don't want you here, Vega."

"I know." She leaned back, crossing her legs.

"Leave."

Tori glanced up at her, then looked back at the television. "No."

"It wasn't a request. Leave, now."

Tori didn't bother to respond, instead grabbing the television remote to turn the volume up. She threw an arm over the throw pillow on the sofa, and kicked off her shoes before propping her legs up on the coffee table.

Jade stared at her for a few moments, and then slowly pushed the door shut.

She walked over to the sofa, taking a seat next to Tori. Tori didn't say a word, but she moved over a bit so Jade had enough room.

Jade sat there, not moving, not speaking. Her eyes stared straight ahead.

Tori cast a glance over at the other woman, taking it all in. Jade looked….well, like Jade. And yet, she appeared to be everything that Jade was not. The Jade West that she knew would never have let her in the door. She would have been yelling and screaming, not silent and submissive. Beck had warned her that she hadn't reacted well, but this was something entirely new.

She decided to cut through the silence. "I've missed you."

Jade laughed, but there was no emotion in the sound. "Have you? It's only been a year, Vega."

"Yes, I have." Tori leaned back, sinking into the soft cushions. "I've missed all of you guys."

"Well, not all of us can grow up and be pop stars like you, Vega." She turned, looking at the other woman, who looked like she was trying hard to not appear perturbed by her comment. "You're the one who left, remember? The rest of us stayed behind."

Tori bit her lip, biting back the sharp-tongued response she wanted to say. She swallowed hard. "Yeah. I remember. But I also remember that the others at least bothered to keep in touch with me. You never did."

Jade laughed again. "And you never thought that maybe that meant something? Maybe that, oh, I don't know…I didn't care?"

"Of course I knew that." She stood up, trying to keep stony-faced in order to mask the hurt she felt. "But I do care. I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

"You shouldn't be here."

Tori paused, turning her head so she was looking at Jade. "But I am here. So, either accept that, or force me to leave."

Jade stared at her, hands clasped together, knuckles white.

After a few moments, Tori turned away. "Good. I'll make dinner."

* * *

An hour later, dinner was sitting on the table. Spaghetti, steam still rising off the noodles.

"It's going to get cold if you don't come in here and eat it." Tori called out, sitting down in front of her own meal.

"Not hungry." Came the reply from the other room.

Tori sighed, picking up her fork. "Fine. I'll just eat your portion then. I am feeling pretty peckish this evening, anyway.”

She heard Jade stand up, and smiled to herself.

Jade's head poked around the corner. "Eat my food, and you die."

"Then sit down, already. I didn't slave over a hot stove just so you could sulk."

Jade's face went red. "I didn't exactly ask you to come over and barge into my life, Vega, so excuse me if I don't pity you."

Tori just smiled, twirling spaghetti on her fork. "Are you going to eat, now?"

Jade looked at the plate set on the table for her and nodded. She pulled out her chair, sitting down.

"Are you going to tell me what exactly you plan on doing here, Vega? And maybe shed some light as to why Beck called _you_ of all people?" she asked, staring down at her food, idly twirling her fork in the pasta.

Tori swallowed her bite, glancing up at her. "I couldn’t tell you why Beck called me, but he did. And I don't really have a plan. I'm here for you. It's not good for you to be alone during this, and I offered to come over."

"You…offered." Jade shook her head angrily, setting her fork down. "Nice." She pushed her chair back, starting to stand up. "Nice to know that you're just doing this as a favor or something."

"Oh, sit down and stop being so dramatic." Tori replied, sticking another forkful of spaghetti in her mouth.

Jade stared at her, hovering over her chair. "When the fuck did you grow some balls, Vega?"

"Around the same time I walked through your door," came the reply.

Jade hesitated, then sat down. "I'm not going to talk about Beck."

"Didn't ask you to."

"Are you planning on leaving anytime soon?"

Tori shook her head. "Not really."

"You do realize that this is all against my will, right?"

Tori looked up at that, a grin on her face. "Jade, if you didn't want me here, you would have thrown me out already. Don't give me that shit. I know you."

Jade felt a smile creep onto her face. "You've really grown up, you know that?"

Tori nodded. "Yeah, I know." She grinned. "And you've regressed back into an angsty teenager."

"Oh, fuck you." Jade finally took a bite of the spaghetti, face lighting up when she realized it was actually edible. "You know…this isn’t half-bad, Vega. I mean, considering the garbage you used to cook."

Tori raised an eyebrow. "Did I just get a compliment from Jade West?" She leaned back, raising her arms in the air. "The apocalypse must be upon us!"

"Oh, shut up. I've complimented you before."

"Yeah, like, years ago at Nozu when Sikowitz made us go on that “date”." She emphasized her final word with finger-quotes.

Jade smiled at the memory. "That was an interesting night."

"You can say that again…." Tori stood up, grabbing her empty plate. "Hurry up and finish eating. I want to watch a movie."

"Can't you do that without me?"

"Nope."

Jade rolled her eyes. "You know, I think I'm getting the short end of the stick here, Vega. You get movies and a nice apartment. I get spaghetti and an irritating wazzbag."

Tori stuck her tongue out at her, walking into the kitchen.

Jade shook her head, turning back to her meal.

* * *

"My house, my movie." Jade stated as she walked into the living room. Tori looked up at her from the couch.

"Fair enough,” she replied, watching as Jade bent down in front of the tv, opening the cabinet in the tv stand. She grabbed a movie and slipped it into the DVD player without letting Tori see what it was. Once it was properly set-up, she stood up, walking over to the couch, throwing herself down on it.

Tori glanced over at her, hesitant. "What are we watching?"

"You'll see." Jade replied, an evil grin on her face.

Moments later, the movie came on, and the title splashed across the screen. _The Scissoring._

"Seriously, Jade?"

"Hell yes." Jade lounged back, legs thrown onto the coffee table.

"Great." Tori shrunk down into the sofa. "Just great."

"Hey, my house, my rules. And the number one rule is that The Scissoring will not be insulted."

"No insults here…." Tori muttered as she grabbed a throw pillow, holding it tight against her chest.

Jade's grin grew wider. "Good. Now shut up and watch."

* * *

Two hours later and multiple murders later, the movie was over.

"Well, that was…." Tori looked over at Jade. "Oh."

Jade was fast asleep, curled up into a ball in the corner of the sofa.

Tori sighed, standing up. She walked into Jade's bedroom, searching for a blanket. She found one on the back of a chair and grabbed it before coming back into the living room. Carefully, she draped it over the sleeping woman.

"Goodnight, Jade." She whispered, sitting back down on her side of the sofa. "Sweet dreams.”


	2. Chapter 2

_Hours earlier_

"You've got to talk to her, Tori." Beck pleaded, pacing around Tori’s apartment, his hands clasped behind his back. "She won't listen to me."

Tori sighed, leaning back in her chair. "Beck, no offense, but you just broke up with her. Why would she _want_ to listen to you?"

He threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. "I don't know! I mean, I know she has every right to be upset and all, but so do I! I loved her too!"

"Then why break up with her?" Tori asked pointedly.

He stopped, and stared at her. "Have you ever spent more than a few hours with Jade? She can be a nightmare."

Tori raised an eyebrow. "You know, you aren't exactly convincing me to help you out here"

He sighed, walking over to the chair across from her, sitting down. He held his head in his hands. "I just need you to go see if she's alright. Believe it or not, I do care about her."

"Then shouldn't you go check on her yourself?"

He looked up at Tori, eyes betraying his exhaustion. "It wouldn't do anything. She wouldn't even let me in her door." He let out a heavy sigh, rubbing his temples. "Please, Tori. Just this once?"

She paused, mulling it over. "If she hurts me, it’ll be your fault.”

He perked up, looking at her with a new expression in his gaze. "You mean you'll do it?"

She sighed before nodding and standing up. "Yeah, sure."

He stood up, running over to her to wrap her in a bone-crushing embrace. "Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

She rolled her eyes, hugging him back. "I still think you should be doing this, not me."

He grinned, stepping away from her. "Yeah…well, thanks, Tori!" he grabbed his coat off of the back of his chair, walking over to her door. "I'll call you later to see how it went!" He pulled open the door, disappearing before she could reply. She sighed again, watching the door close behind him.

"What have I gotten myself into?"

* * *

_"You know, I don't think I've ever told you how beautiful you really are…" he said, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear._

_She laughed, leaning into his arms. "You tell me that on a fairly regular basis."_

_He cocked an eyebrow, pulling her closer. "Do I?" She nodded. "Well then…I guess I'm saying it again. You're so beautiful. You make every other girl out there envious of you."_

_"You're just saying that so you can get into my pants, Beck." She replied, seemingly joking, though a trace of doubt could be detected in her voice._

_He laughed, stroking her hair gently. "No I'm not!"_

_"Really?" she turned her head so she could look at him. "Then prove it."_

_He smiled, leaning down. "Fine."_

_His lips met hers, and all was right._

* * *

Tori awoke to the sound of someone crying.

She brushed it off as a figment of her imagination at first, refusing to open her eyes. But when the sound didn’t go away, she forced herself awake.

Opening her eyes, she tried to blink away the remnants of sleep. "What…go on..." she muttered sleepily, stretching her arms above her head with a yawn before glancing over to her right.

Jade was curled up into a tight ball in the corner of the sofa, her face pressed against the fabric of the armrest. The blanket that Tori had covered her with was discarded, thrown onto the floor in a heap. Her arms were crossed tight across her chest, her body shaking with every sob.

Tori immediately forced herself into action. She reached over, placing a gentle hand on Jade's shoulder. "Jade? Jade, what's wrong?"

She didn't respond. Couldn't respond.

Tori rolled off the couch and onto her feet. She made her way in front of her, kneeling down, an expression of concern on her face. "Jade, honey, can you hear me?"

No response, other than another sob. Jade's eyes were shut, but tears came streaming down her face, streaks standing out against pale skin.

Tori bit her lip, trying to figure out what to do. “Jade?” She put her hand back on her shoulder. “Jade, come on, talk to me.”

Jade could hear Tori, but elected to ignore her. It was easier that way. Pretend the issue isn't there, and therefore it does not exist.

She knew that wasn't the case this time, though. She was crying…no. No, she was sobbing, breaking down in front of Tori Vega. She was Jade fucking West, and yet she was reduced to a whimpering child who couldn’t even hold it together for a few hours. She'd broken down before, sure, but never like this. Never in front of someone else.

She wasn't even sure why she was crying. Because of Beck, of course, but she didn’t know if her tears were ones of anger or of sadness. And was there really a difference?

She could feel Tori gripping her shoulder and shaking her gently, but only shrugged her off. Damn her. Damn her, and damn Beck. She didn't need anyone to see her like this. She didn't need Tori to come over her and comfort her. She didn't need Beck to ask her to do so. She just needed to be alone.

And fuck this, she was going to make sure that she was.

Tori watched as Jade's eyes finally opened, breathing a sigh of relief. "Jade, thank Go…." Her words trailed off when she saw the look on Jade's face. Instead of the sorrow she expected, all she saw was rage.

Jade pulled herself to her feet, pushing Tori aside as she made her way to the bathroom.

Tori jumped up to follow her, practically running to keep up. "Jade, where are you…"

Jade whirled around, her eyes burning with a fire that Tori had rarely seen before. The streaks on her cheeks burned bright against the red of her face. "Leave me the fuck alone, Vega! Why don't you understand that I don't need you!"

With that, she pulled the bathroom door open, escaping inside before Tori could respond. The door slammed shut behind her, shaking the foundation, the sound echoing down the hall.

* * *

Jade turned on the shower, stripping off her clothes and stepping inside. A hiss escaped her lips as the water burned her skin. She hadn't bother to check the temperature before she had gotten in. She turned it down, adjusting it until it got to a hot, but bearable, temperature.

Water cascaded down her skin, bouncing against the tile. Jade shut her eyes, turning to face the water. She let it wash away the tears that streaked her face, staying that way for a few moments before the heat became too much, and she had to turn her face to the left so the water wouldn't burn her.

"Fuck." She whispered, resting her hands against the wall, bending her head down. As the steam rose, so did her anger. She slammed her fist against the tiles, the sound reverberating throughout the bathroom. "Fuck!"

She felt tears sting her eyes once again and she forced herself to bite her lip hard so that the tears wouldn’t fall. There was no way she was going to let herself break down again, even if it meant that all she could taste now was the blood pouring from her lip. She spit it out, watching with blurry eyes as the crimson mixed with the clear water as it spiraled down the drain.

She heard a knock on the door, which was soon followed by the voice she had become far too familiar with. "Jade? Jade, are you okay? I thought I heard something crash in there."

"Fuck…" Jade whispered again, pressing her forehead against the cool tile of the shower. "For fuck’s sake, I'm fine, Vega! Now would you just fuck off?!”

There was silence for a few moments, and then Jade heard the slow squeak of the bathroom door opening. She took a deep breath before hissing between gritted teeth. "What part…of fuck off…do you not understand?"

After another moment of silence, she opened her eyes, seeing the outline of Tori’s frame through the shower curtain.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry." She heard Tori say, her voice low and hesitant. "I know that you're hurting, and….well, I guess I know that you don't like being around me, and I'm just sorry."

Jade watched as she backed up, her silhouette reaching for the door handle. "I'll go now, if that's what you want.”

The door had opened, and Tori had started to exit when Jade finally replied.

"Wait."

Tori froze, her ears perking up. She waited for Jade to continue, hand still gripped around the doorknob.

Jade took another deep breath, bending her head and letting the water cascade down her back. "I'll be out in a few minutes. We can talk this over then, okay? Just….go wait in the living room, or something."

Tori's eyes opened wide, and she nodded quickly. “Okay!”

Jade listened for the door to shut before sighing and turning her face towards the spray once more.

* * *

A few minutes later, Jade turned off the water. She remained standing in the shower for a few more moments, dreading stepping out of the warm steam into the cold embrace of reality. Eventually, she grasped the shower curtain, pulling it back far enough for her to have room to step out onto the shower mat. Droplets of water fell off her body as she stood there, staring into the mirror.

Her eyes were red and puffy. The mascara that she had on the day before _(god, has it only been a day_ ) had made little black lines that spread like a spiderweb across her face. Some had been washed away by the shower, but others remained as a reminder of the weakness that she had shown.

She grabbed a washcloth out of her cabinet, and ran it under the sink long enough for it to become damp. She brought it up to her face, rubbing against the streaks. Soft at first, then harder and harder, the cloth rough against her skin. She kept on scrubbing even when the black was gone and her skin was pink raw. She had to scrub it away. Scrub away the pain.

 _(I'm leaving_ )

She dropped the washcloth in the sink, bending over, grasping the porcelain counter as she gasped for breath. She felt tears once more spring to her eyes, but she fought them back, the wound on her lip opening back up again. Droplets of crimson fell onto the washcloth, but she had succeeded. The tears were gone.

She straightened back up, refusing to look in the mirror. She grabbed a towel out of the same cabinet she got the washcloth out of, and wrapped it around herself, tight and secure. Before exiting the bathroom, she dragged a brush through her hair and a toothbrush around her mouth. If she was going to talk to Vega, she reasoned, she might as well look presentable.

* * *

Tori heard the bathroom door open, and immediately looked up. She watched as Jade walked out, then quickly averted her gaze when she realized that the other woman was wearing only a towel.

Jade caught her looking and had to suppress a grin at Tori’s bashfulness. "It's not like I'm naked, Vega!"

Tori refused to look back up at her. "Just put some clothes on, would you?"

Jade rolled her eyes, stepping into her bedroom and closing the door. "This is my apartment! I can walk around in the buff if I want to!"

"Please don't!" Tori squeaked, her face turning red. She waited out in the living room on the couch until Jade came back out, wearing a pair of black jeans with a matching black t-shirt.

"Better?" Jade asked, holding her arms apart, spinning in a circle quickly to give Tori a good view of every item of clothing.

"Much." Tori replied, a sigh of relief escaping her lips.

Jade rolled her eyes again, sitting down on the couch next to the embarrassed young woman. "How the hell did you survive gym class, Vega? The locker room was full of naked girls."

Tori shook her head, mouth clamped shut. Jade cast a glance at her, amused. "That answers that, then, doesn't it?"

"Shut up." Tori replied, refusing to look at her. Jade just laughed and turned away.

Tori waited a few moments, then looked over at her. "Are you….okay?"

Jade stared off into the distance, not looking at anything in particular. "Yep. Just peachy."

"You know, you don't have to lie."

Jade looked over at her, propping her head up on her elbow. "Who said I was lying?"

"I know you," was all Tori said, trying to get Jade to meet her eye. When she finally did, she could see the pain that shone in the other woman's gaze. "I know that you're hurting. You woke up crying, Jade. That's not something…."

"That I do?" Jade waited for Tori to nod before she laughed, no humor in the sound. "You'd be surprised, Vega."

"Would I?" she leaned closer to Jade, staying just far enough away so she didn't feel claustrophobic. "I think that I'd be far less surprised than you think."

Jade stared at her, unconsciously clenching her fist. "That's nice, but I seriously doubt that."

"You put on this tough act, you know? A shell that covers up a soft interior. Take that mask away, and what are you?"

Jade gritted her teeth, irritation rising. "I'm nothing, goddamit!" She shrunk back, shocked by the words that had escaped past her lips.

Tori saw the change in the woman, and instantly knew that she had gone too far. "Jade…."

Jade shook her head. "Don't, Vega. Please….just don't." Her voice was low and weary and not at all what Tori was used to hearing.

"I'm sorry." Tori shifted away from her, moving back to her corner of the sofa.

Jade groaned, covering her face with her hands. "Dammit, Vega, stop apologizing!" Her index and middle fingers rubbed her temples as she attempted to calm down. "Just….just stop, okay?"

Tori hesitated, unsure of how to proceed. "Yeah, okay."

Jade brought her knees up to her chest, crossing her arms in front of them. "Why are you here?"

"Because I offered to come check up on you. Because Beck came to me, begging me to talk to you." She glanced at Jade, biting her lip with hesitation. "Because I really did miss you."

Eyebrows raised. "Why?"

Tori swallowed, looking down at the floor. "Because all I've ever wanted to be is your friend….and this gave me an opportunity to try again."

Jade looked at her, confused. "All I've ever been is utterly horrible to you. Why would you want to be my friend?"

"Because…." Tori began, hesitant. Jade had a tendency to take things the wrong way, especially when it came to her. She knew she had to tread carefully. "Because you never just _liked_ me. You resisted. The others just gravitated towards me, like most people do. But, for some reason, you hated me."

"I never hated you." Jade whispered, her voice barely audible. Tori's head whipped around, staring at the other woman, who adamantly refused to look at her.

"What?" Tori blinked, unable to accept what she heard. "Bullshit. You hated me and made no qualms about telling everyone that you did."

"I lied." Jade lifted her head, staring straight ahead. "I'm really good at lying."

Tori took a deep breath, releasing it in a steady exhale. "Then why the hell were you such an ass all those years?"

Jade laughed, shaking her head. "Vega's swearing now. God, what has this world come to?" She turned her head, looking at Tori. "Change of subject, please."

Tori shook her head violently. "No! You're not about to…"

Jade held up her hand, one finger pointing up. "Not now. Please, Vega. Just let me think things through a bit. I promise that we'll talk later." She stood up. "Now, let's go."

"Where to?" Tori asked, confused by the turn of events. "And did you really mean that promise?"

Jade was already heading for the door. "Yes, I did, and we're going to your apartment. It's in the general area, right?"

Tori stood up, even more confused than before. "Yeah, but why would we be going there?"

Jade pulled the door open, glancing back at Tori. "Because, if you're going to be staying here, you need clothes and stuff."

Tori hesitated, scratching her head in slight confusion. "Wait, who said I was staying?"

"I did!" Jade replied, making her way down the staircase, not bothering to wait for Tori to catch up. She knew she would follow.

She was sure of it.


	3. Chapter 3

"Can you explain to me again why I'm packing a suitcase?" Tori asked, reaching up to grab a piece of clothing as it whizzed over her head.

Jade smirked as she watched Tori catch the shirt she had just thrown. "Because, I told you to."

"That's not a good reason."

Jade stepped back from the closet, closing the door. "That's the only reason you're getting, so you'll have to deal with it."

Tori stopped what she was doing and glared at the other woman. "I could just stay here, you know. I don't have to listen to you."

Jade walked over to where Tori stood, leaning in close. "Are you sure about that, Vega? Because..." she leaned in closer, their noses practically touching. "I think you do."

Tori took a deep breath, feeling her heart beat a little too fast against her chest. "No….no, I don't." She straightened up, staring into Jade's eyes. "I don't need to listen to you, or anyone else."

A smile crept on Jade's face, and she backed away. "Then do it for me? A favor, perhaps. Keep me company."

"You've never wanted my company before, Jade," Tori asserted, though she did so cautiously.

"Look, I…” Jade turned, crossing her arms tight across her chest. “I just don't really want to be alone right now." Her voice was low and tinged with something Tori couldn't identify and if she hadn’t already made up her mind to just give in, Jade’s tone was enough to make her decision for her.

She didn’t need to know that, though.

Tori waited a few moments before sighing heavily and zipping her suitcase. “Let’s go, then.”

* * *

They arrived back at Jade's apartment about an hour later. They would have been back much sooner, but Jade had decided that they needed to stop for a pizza. Tori had grumbled about it, but if she was being honest, her stomach had been growling for a while, which made sense considering neither had eaten since the previous evening.

Tori dropped her stuff off in Jade's room while Jade took the pizza into the living room, setting the box on the coffee table.

"Hurry up, Vega! The pizza's getting cold!" Jade called out, sitting down on the sofa, flicking the tv on.

"I have to go to the bathroom!" Tori replied, shutting the bathroom door. "Just start eating without me!"

"Better be quick, or I'll eat the whole damn thing!" Jade hollered back, but she didn’t make a move to grab a slice. Instead, she leaned back and waited until Tori re-emerged before opening the box.

* * *

Some time later, the pizza was gone, and the two women had grown exceedingly tired of watching terrible reality television. Jade had spent the last hour bitching about Celebrities Underwater and how they never truly drowned, and Tori couldn’t help but begin to agree with her after watching yet another D-list celebrity be pulled from the water before anything truly interesting could happen to them.

Jade turned off the tv, and stood up, stretching her arms above her head with a groan. "Let's go."

"Go where?" Tori asked, getting to her feet hesitantly.

Jade had already walked out of the room when she responded. "Bed."

Tori followed her back the hall, stepping into the bedroom. "You're going to go to sleep?"

Jade plopped herself down on the bed, stretching her body out on top of the mattress. "No." She patted the space next to her, waiting for Tori to lie down next to her. "We're going to talk. That's what you're here for, right?"

"Right…." Tori replied, but still stood at the end of the bed, an increasingly incredulous expression forming on her face.

Jade sighed dramatically, gesturing again towards the spot next to her. “For Christ’s sake, Vega, I don’t bite.”

“That’s an absolute lie and we both know it.”

Jade just cocked an eyebrow and stared at Tori until she gave in and laid next to her. She noticed that Tori kept a pretty decent amount of space between them, and bit her lip so that she wouldn’t laugh at her.

“Okay, so now what?” Tori asked, trying to relax the muscles in her body but utterly failing to.

"Let's talk.” Jade crossed her arms behind her head, making sure that her elbows didn’t poke Tori in the head as she did so. “You start.”

"What should I talk about?"

Jade rolled her eyes, sighing dramatically. "How the hell should I know? Just start talking!"

"Okay, Miss Grumpypants." Tori took a moment to think, inhaling deeply before speaking again. "I haven't been able to write a new song in ages."

Jade glanced over at her, eyebrow raised. "You haven't?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Well, why not?"

Tori sighed, reaching up to absently scratch the side of her head. "Haven't really had anything to write about. Being successful makes for a rather boring existence, to tell the truth. There's no romance in my life, so there's no reason to write love songs. There’s no teenage angst now that I’m not a teenager, and there’s just not really much angst in general ever since…well, ever since you stopped talking to me, so there’s really nothing to write about.”

Jade chose to ignore Tori’s last comment, instead choosing to go for a less emotionally-charged reply. "You could just write about the bags of money that your other hits have given you." She failed to conceal the hint of bitterness in her tone. Not that she tried that hard anyway.

Tori laughed, shaking her head again. "You really think I make that much money?" She looked over at her, bemused. "I'm not a star yet, Jade. The record company owns me, not the other way around."

"You can't expect me to believe that you're not raking in the dough right now, Vega. Your songs are on the radio. You were on a magazine cover the other day. The record company may own you, but you're not exactly doing poorly."

Tori sighed, twirling a lock of hair between her fingers. "No, I’m not. I have money that I don't know what to do with, and sometimes, I get really confused by the numbers on my paycheck. But, I'm not filthy rich either. I pay taxes. I pay bills and I still rent my apartment. So, can we change the subject now?"

Jade looked at her for a moment more, noting the uncomfortable look on Tori's face. "Where's Trina been?"

Tori stopped twirling her hair, falling silent for a few moments. "Last I heard, Paris."

"You guys don't talk much?"

"What is this, twenty questions?" Tori asked, laughing nervously. "No, we don't. Seriously, let's talk about something else."

Jade raised an eyebrow, pressing further. "Did she ever…"

"Dammit, Jade, drop it!" Tori tried to sit up, but Jade grabbed her arm. Her grip was gentle but firm as Tori tried to wiggle out of her grasp.

"I'm sorry. Please don't go."

Tori struggled for a few more moments, but they could both tell that it was a half-hearted attempt. Eventually, she lay back down, but Jade held on to her arm a second longer just to make sure she didn’t try to leave again. When she was satisfied that she wasn’t going to, she let go.

Tori stared up at the ceiling, crossing her arms so that she held her elbows in opposite hands across her midsection. "Your turn."

"For what?"

"Talking."

Jade wrinkled her nose in irritation. “Ugh, fine.” She clasped her hands in front of her, resting them on her stomach. "I really hate pink.”

"Why did Beck break up with you?"

The question hit Jade square in the chest, stopping her cold. She felt the weight of it pressing on her, suffocating. "What?"

"You heard me."

Her fists clenched, and she had to take a few deep breaths to fight back the rising panic in her gut. "I don't want to talk about that, Vega."

"I won't stay forever, Jade, so just get it out now. Besides, it’s obvious that it’s eating you alive.” Tori kept her eyes trained on the ceiling, though she felt Jade’s gaze stab into her like daggers. “If you address it head-on, maybe you’ll be able to chill out a little bit.”

"Fuck you," Jade hissed, feeling her fingernails dig into her palms as she clenched her fists tighter. "I never asked for…"

"You may have never asked me to come, but when I was going to leave, you told me to stay. Besides, you’re the one who wanted to talk tonight, so grow up and let it out, or else I'm just going to go."

Jade could only stare at Tori, utterly shocked at the words she heard coming from the other woman’s mouth. "You wouldn't.”

“Try me.”

Jade glared at her, feeling another wave of anger wash over her. "What’s the point of even asking me, anyway? I’m sure Beck already filled you in with all the sordid details, since you two are all buddy-buddy and shit.”

"He told me that he broke up with you. I didn't ask why, and he didn't tell me."

"Then why do you need to know?" Jade’s voice was close to a yell as she sat up, shifting back so that her back pressed against the headboard.

"Because I want you to feel better!" Tori exclaimed. She rolled so that she could get to her feet, standing as she raised her hands up in the air, utterly exasperated. "Because you woke up crying this morning, and that's not okay! Because you're normally so strong and resilient, and I don't know how to handle you being so….submissive and depressed!”

"I'm not your problem that needs fixing, Vega!"

"Then why am I here?!" Tori turned around, walking towards the door. In that same moment, Jade rolled off the bed quick enough to grab her wrist before she made it there.

"Don't walk away from me!"

Tori pulled her wrist out of Jade's grip, backing up towards the wall. "Why shouldn't I? I have no reason to be here!"

Jade grabbed her shoulders, pushing her against the wall. “For fuck’s sake, Vega, we were fine! Just drop Beck, and everything can go back to the way they were!” Her fingers gripped her shoulders tighter. “Please, Tori!”

Tori could only stare at her, the response she had been about to say dying on her lips. “Did you just call me Tori?” 

Jade blinked at her, her expression betraying the surprise that she also felt. After a moment, she let her hands fall off of Tori’s shoulders, arms hanging loosely at her sides. “Look, I’m…I’m sorry.” She turned, facing the bed instead of her. “You can go if you want. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. Just tell Beck that I’m fine.”

Tori reached out, hesitantly placing a hand on Jade's shoulder. "You're not fine and you know it." She walked around in front of her, pulling the taller woman into her arms. Jade stiffened, but relaxed after a few moments, realizing that it was useless to try and resist.

“Fuck,” she whispered. “I just feel so _empty_.”

Tori squeezed her tighter, feeling Jade rest her head on her shoulder. "I’m not leaving,” she whispered, trying to ignore the fluttering in her chest as Jade’s arms slowly came up to return the embrace.

* * *

_"I just want you." He whispered in her ear, his hand trailing up the side of her leg._

_She pushed him off of her, tugging down the hem of her shirt so that it covered her thigh. "Then why were you paying so much attention to her?"_

_He sighed, exasperation in the noise. "You're doing it again."_

_She glared at him, crossing her arms. "Doing what?"_

_"Being jealous." He leaned forward to kiss her. She turned her head so that his lips only grazed her cheek. "You know I only want you, Jade. I'm not interested in her, or any other girl."_

_"Convince me." She replied, a sly smile on her lips._

_He grinned, leaning forward once again. "Anytime, baby."_

* * *

"I never did believe him." Jade whispered, turning onto her side so that Tori couldn't see the tears that pricked at the corners of her eyes.

"Who was the other girl?" Tori asked, honestly curious.

Short, cold laughter. "You, Vega. It was always you."

"But, I never…"

Jade shook her head. "I know that, now. But I didn't trust him. The way he looked at you….the way you looked at him….I just couldn’t ever bring myself to believe him."

They fell silent for a moment. Tori thought about high school, and all of the times that Beck had made it apparent that Jade’s suspicions had probably been correct. "I never _was_ interested in him."

Jade snorted, rolling over so that she could look at her. "Really? You sure about that, Vega?"

Tori nodded. "He tried to kiss me, once. I stopped him.”

Jade thought back to the Platinum Music Awards and the webcam feed she had happened upon of the two of them. "Because of me."

"Because of…" Tori looked over at her, surprised. "How'd you know that?"

Jade shrugged. "You left your webcam on, and Cat never exited out of that Skype call.”

Tori groaned, pulling a pillow over her face. "I can't believe…..it's been _how_ many years, and you never thought to mention that?"

Jade smirked. "You didn't exactly mention almost kissing Beck before either."

Tori's face turned red. "That’s...oh, shut up."

Jade's smirk faded, replaced with an expression Tori couldn’t quite read. "Thank you, though."

"For what?"

Jade turned her head, unable to look Tori in the eye. "For…not kissing him."

"Oh." Tori bit her lip, unsure. "You're welcome, I guess."

Jade remained silent for a moment."I don't know what to do without him."

"I…" Tori began, before being interrupted.

"He has been my everything for so long, Vega, I just don't know what I'm supposed to do without him. What do I do?" Jade turned back to her, not able to conceal the tears running down her face. "What do I do?"

Tori reached over, pulling her into her arms. Jade tensed at first, but then let herself relax, her head finding its place on Tori's shoulder. She felt Tori rub gentle circles onto her spine, and she released a shuddering exhale, tears dampening Tori’s shirt.

Tori finally answered a few moments later, waiting until she was fairly certain Jade had stopped crying. "You'll go on with your life, and he'll go on with his. I know it hurts now, but you're strong. You'll get through this. And I'll help you as much as you need me to."

Jade pulled away from Tori, wiping her eyes with her shirt sleeve. "But I don't want to go on without him. He's all I know."

Tori reached over, gently wiping away the fresh tears that had sprung in Jade’s eyes. "You _will_ go on without him, and you _will_ learn to know things other than him. You are the strongest person I know, Jade, and I know that you are strong enough to get through this."

"I'm not strong." Jade whispered. "If I was strong, I wouldn't be here, sobbing to you."

Tori rolled her eyes, not bothering to hide it. "Bull. Being strong doesn't mean never crying. Being strong means knowing when you need help. Being strong means being able to reach out to another person. Being strong means being able to show emotion, instead of being a cold-hearted and stone-faced statue all your life. Jade West, you are strong, and nothing you say or do will convince me otherwise."

Jade sat there, feeling her tears dry on her skin. "You know, I think that's why he left me."

"Why?"

She looked at Tori, expression unreadable. "Because I never showed emotion with him. I only ever was angry. And he couldn't deal with that." She laughed dryly. "Funny, right? Beck, the man of stone, couldn't deal with a girlfriend who couldn't show him any emotion."

"Well, in fairness, you really did seem to be angry all the time…" Jade glared at her, so she continued speaking. “With him, at least. You never seemed…happy."

_I'm not happy. And I don't think you are, either._

Jade looked down, realization hitting her. "I _wasn't_ happy."

Tori looked up at her, surprised. "What?"

Jade turned to her but didn’t meet her gaze. "I wasn't happy. I don't think I ever was. I spent the entire time wondering if he was cheating on me, or thinking about leaving me, or things of a similar nature. I was paranoid, not happy." She shook her head, eyes widening. "Fuck, he was right.”

"About what?"

"He said that he didn't think I was happy. He wasn't happy either." She sighed, resting her head in her hands. "Fuck. Maybe this really is for the best.”

Tori nodded, trying not to show the feeling of relief that washed over her. "Are you okay?"

Jade took a moment before replying. "No. But I think I will be." She looked up. "Will you still stay?"

"Do you want me to?"

It took a moment for Jade to respond. “Yes.”

“Okay.”

* * *

Jade waited until she knew Tori was asleep before slipping out of the bed. She made her way out into her kitchen, pulling open her cabinet. Reaching behind a box of cereal, she pulled out a bottle of whiskey, setting it down on the counter. She unscrewed the top, lifting the bottle to her lips.

The first gulp hit her throat, burning its way down to her stomach. Warmth filled her body, and she let out a sigh. A few more swallows, and a familiar buzz began at the base of her skull. Still not satisfied, she took another drink from the bottle before screwing the top back on and leaving it on the counter before she made her way into the living room, throwing herself down on the couch.

Beck was gone. She had to come to terms with that and accept it. She knew that. But…she loved him. Or, at least, she thought she did. She had told herself that she did for years, so it must be true, right? If she didn't love him, then why would she be so broken? Why would she care?

She stared up at the ceiling, her vision becoming a bit fuzzy on the edges. The alcohol had done next to nothing in terms of making the hurricane of thoughts in her mind calm down. All it did was make her a bit dizzy.

Beck had hated it when she drank. Told her that it made her crankier; that it just made her even angrier.

Well, maybe that was true.

The fighting would escalate, turning from an argument into a full on screaming match. Then they would make up and fuck. There was no other word for it. It wasn't making love. It was fucking, full of pent up frustration and anger, releasing in screams of ecstasy rather than rage. It was rough and painful, but it worked for them. It kept them from finding different outlets for their disagreements. It kept them sane.

She hadn't lied when she said that their fights generally revolved around Tori. They did. Even though Tori may not have been interested in Beck (though Jade was still a bit wary because _everyone_ was into Beck), she knew that Beck had feelings for her. He would choose Tori over Jade. He would comment on how beautiful she looked, or how smart she was, or how talented. He never said those things about his own girlfriend.

Tori.

Jade closed her eyes, trying to stop thinking. Couldn't.

Tori was here, and she still wasn't sure why. Yeah, Vega had a good heart, but she had done nothing but act horrifically towards her for the entirety of the time they knew each other. And she didn’t even really know why. Was it jealousy that made her treat her so badly? Or was it something else?

Who the fuck knew.

All that mattered was that she was here, she cared, and she was staying. She stayed, even though Jade had offered her nothing in return.

And _god_ , she was hot.

Jade shook her head, sitting up. Where the fuck had _that_ thought come from?

She stood up, balancing herself so she didn't fall over. She realized that she had drank more than she should have. That must be what prompted that thought, she told herself. Too much alcohol.

She made her way back to the bedroom, stumbling a bit in the doorway. She grabbed the doorframe, steadying herself.

Tori lay on the right side of the bed, snoring softly. Her right arm lay under the pillow, while her left hand rested next to her face. Hair covered her features, blowing a bit every time she exhaled.

Jade watched her for a moment before making her way over to the opposite side of the bed, sliding underneath the covers. She pulled the sheets over top of her and Tori, being careful not to wake her.

She rested her head on her pillow, watching Tori sleep. Thoughts ran through her head, jumbling together. She didn't want to focus on any of them.

She reached out tentatively, brushing a lock of hair behind Tori's ear. The other woman didn't stir, but Jade brought her hand back slowly anyway, her heart beating hard in her chest.

She let her eyes close, but she knew that she wouldn't be sleeping much that night.


	4. Chapter 4

Tori awoke the next morning to find herself in an interesting position.

She felt a warm presence behind her, pressed close to her body. She tried to shift a bit, only to find that she couldn't move. An arm lay across her waist, a hand resting softly against her stomach. Her shirt had ridden up just a bit so that skin was touching skin, and she could feel the other person breathing steadily.

A brief wave of panic began to rise inside of her until she realized that the person holding her had to be Jade. Somehow, she had somehow ended up cuddling up to her while they slept. She didn't even think Jade knew how to cuddle, much less cuddle with her.

And why was she so comfortable with this?

She thought about moving, but truth was, she didn't want to. She didn't want to wake Jade, nor did she want to break the connection that they had at that moment. For so long, she had lived in fear of the other woman while simultaneously wanting the opportunity to be closer to her. And fuck it, she wasn’t going to give up whatever this was just because she was scared of what would happen if Jade happened to wake up.

So, she laid her head back down on the pillow, and pondered the world.

* * *

Jade awoke some time later, her head aching. She groaned softly, blinking against the daylight that streamed in through the window.

She didn't know when she had fallen asleep. She had lain awake for hours, trying to understand the thoughts that had swirled through her head. Most of them had involved Tori, and the multitude of unanswered questions that she had about what she felt for the other woman. Why did she care so much? Who _was_ Tori to her? And…wait. Tori.

She blinked again, finally realizing where her arm lay. Tori. How did that happen? And why the hell hadn’t she moved it yet?

She pulled her arm away from Tori quickly. Too quickly. She felt Tori shift next to her, turning on her side so that she faced Jade, who appeared more and more horrified with every moment.

"Good morning." She whispered, trying not to laugh at the scandalized look on Jade's face. "Is something wrong?"

Jade blinked, confused. "Uh…"

"If this is about the whole cuddling me in my sleep thing, don't worry. It happens to everyone." She paused, thinking. "Though, I can't believe you actually cuddle. It doesn't seem like a very Jade West thing to do."

"You…." Jade's face turned a violent shade of red. "You were awake?"

"Only for like a minute,” Tori replied, yawning. “I didn’t want to move and wake you. Figured you could use the sleep, since I doubt you’ve gotten much of it lately.”

"So you just let me use you as some sort of teddy bear?"

"Basically." Tori sat up, stretching her arms, yawning again. She looked back at Jade, bemused. "Now, are you going to lie there and freak out over something stupid, or are you going to be a good host and get up to make me breakfast?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Nope!" Tori got up off of the bed, walking towards the door. "I'll meet you out in the kitchen!"

Jade watched her go, shaking her head slowly. “What the hell have I gotten myself into,” she whispered to herself, her headache worsening.

* * *

Tori was completely unsure of what she was doing, but she tried to convince herself that she also didn’t really care. What she _did_ know was that she really was hungry, and that she wanted pancakes.

What she hadn’t been prepared for was to discover a bottle of whiskey sitting on the kitchen counter. A bottle that had not been there when she had went to bed last night.

"Jade?" she called out, hesitant.

"Yeah?" came the tired reply. Tori turned, holding the bottle in her hand. Jade looked at it, cocking an eyebrow. "What about it?"

"Were you up drinking after I went to bed?” Tori asked, unable to prevent the concern from creeping into her voice.

Jade nodded, walking past her to grab a box of pancake mix out of a cabinet. "Yup."

"Well…why?"

Jade turned, looking at her with a sort of amusement in her eyes. "What do you mean, why? I wanted a drink, so I got a drink. Can't I get drunk in my own home, Vega?"

"No!"

Jade reached over, grabbing the bottle out of Tori's grasp. With a smirk, she unscrewed the cap and brought the bottle to her lips to take a quick swallow. "Well, that’s too bad."

"Jade!" Tori grabbed the bottle back. "That's not a good thing! Trying to drown out feelings with alcohol is never a smart thing to do!”

Jade laughed, rolling her eyes. "You're just saying that because you can't hold your liquor, Vega."

Tori felt herself get angrier and before she realized what she was doing, the bottle was up to her lips, and the whiskey was going down her throat. She started coughing, unprepared for the burn it left behind. “Shit.”

"Hey!" Jade grabbed the bottle, holding the neck tight in her fist. "That's my booze, not yours!" She took another quick swallow before Tori reached out for the bottle again. Jade shook her head, moving it out of her reach. “Uh uh. No drinking on an empty stomach.”

"You just did!" Tori exclaimed, trying to grab the bottle once again.

Jade jumped back, laughing. "Yeah, and I'll regret that later." She took another quick sip, feeling the ache in her head dull down ever so slightly. "Now, make me some pancakes. Then we can have the drinking contest that you seem so eager to start.”

Tori scowled at her, but then her stomach growled and she grumpily began gathering ingredients. "What drinking contest? Didn't this begin with me saying that alcohol is bad?"

Jade smirked, leaning against the counter, screwing the cap back onto the whiskey. "Yeah, you really channeled your inner high school guidance counselor, Vega. But then you drank some, which completely goes against your argument. Besides, I feel like seeing what would happen if you got drunk. I have a feeling it would be hilarious." She didn’t have to look at Tori to know that she was glaring at her, and she couldn’t help but grin. “So, yeah, a drinking contest. Or a game, if you prefer, since I know how much you _love_ playing games.”

"You realize that this is an incredibly stupid idea, right?" Tori asked, ignoring Jade’s last comment as she turned on the burner on the stove, setting a frying pan on top before turning her attention back to mixing the ingredients.

"Yeah, but who cares? It's not like we have to go anywhere, right?"

"Well, actually…." Tori plopped a spoonful of batter onto the pan. "My agent is probably wondering where I am."

"Really?" Jade frowned, trying to hide her disappointment but utterly failing to keep it from creeping into her tone.

Tori took a long moment to answer, flipping a pancake before grinning and shaking her head. "No. I told him I was taking some time off. Needed a break, and all that."

Jade glared at her as sat down in the chair closest to her. "That was mean, you know."

Tori glanced back at her, the smirk never leaving her face. "Oh, like you've never done anything mean to me."

"Well, you've got me there." She leaned back in her chair, the front legs leaving the floor. "Are those pancakes done yet?"

"You are so impatient. Why don't you go get some plates and forks or something?"

Jade stood up, irritated. "Why don't you just hurry up with the damn food?"

Tori turned, brandishing a spatula. "I will slap you with this."

Jade debated responding back with something nasty but decided that the look in Tori's eyes showed that she actually meant it. Instead, she started rummaging around for plates, finding some and setting them on the table. By that point, Tori had turned the burner off, and held a platter of pancakes in her hands.

"Breakfast time."

* * *

An hour later, the pancakes had been eaten and all the dishes had been washed and put away. That had been Tori’s doing, of course. Jade had just grumbled about it and waited for her in the living room, berating her with incessant complaints until she had finished and tossed a dishtowel at her in frustration.

"Okay, so here's the rules," Jade began, setting the bottle of whiskey between them. They both sat cross-legged on the floor of the living room, backs to the sofa, not facing each other. "We each take turns asking questions. Every time a question is not answered, or not answered to the asker's liking, the person will take a drink. First one to be noticeably drunk loses."

"I still think this is a terrible idea,” Tori muttered, pulling a hair tie out of her pocket and pulling her hair back out of her face into a ponytail before getting frustrated and pulling it back out again. “Besides, you’ve already drank more than I have, won’t that put you at a disadvantage?”

"Oh, don't worry about me." Jade grinned, leaning into the sofa. "I'll be fine."

"If you say so…" Tori leaned back as well, glancing over at her. "Who goes first?"

"You can go if you want." Jade replied, uncrossing her right leg, bending it at the knee.

"Okay." Tori pondered for a moment, nose wrinkling as she thought. "Uhm….who was your first kiss?"

Jade rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Vega? That's the best you can come up with?" She watched Tori shrug, and sighed, rolling her eyes again. "Jimmy Tull, age eleven." She paused, thinking of a question for Tori. "Who was your first fuck?"

"Jade!" Tori exclaimed. "Why would you ask that?"

"Because I know you don't want to answer it and therefore you'll have to take a drink." Jade replied, smirking. “And that’ll just bring me one step closer to winning.”

Tori's eyes narrowed. "Wanna bet?" She paused, taking a deep breath before answering. "Andre."

Jade started laughing, the sound echoing throughout the room. "Andre? Andre Harris? OUR Andre?" Tori just nodded, the color of her face turning into a deep crimson. "Oh, that is rich. What prompted that?"

Tori shook her head. “I answered your first question, which means its my turn to ask something.”

Jade glared at her but beckoned for her to continue.

"Okay….uhm…." Tori crinkled her nose again, trying to think of a question. "Out of all our Hollywood Arts friends, excluding…" she paused, watching Jade's face carefully, "Beck….,who would you date?"

Jade stared at her for a moment, a whirlwind of thoughts running through her head. The first name to pop into her mind had been the woman sitting next to her, but there was no way in hell she was going to say that. She wasn’t even sure why that was the first name that had come to her anyway, and she was not going to waste precious time trying to figure it out, either. Fuck that.

Tori watched as Jade reached out for the bottle, grabbing it by the neck. With a small grin, she brought it to her lips, taking a generous swallow.

"My turn," Jade said after setting the bottle back between them. "Why did you fuck Andre?"

It was Tori's turn to reach for the bottle. Jade shook her head in disappointment. "Damn, Vega, I really wanted to know."

"Well, too bad." She scratched her chin, thinking. "Do you ever miss Hollywood Arts?"

"Each and every day," Jade replied, glancing down at the floor. "Have you ever kissed a girl?"

Tori's face burned red. "What?" Her hand started to reach out for the bottle, but then she hesitated and pulled it back. "Yes." She refused to look at Jade. "My turn. Have you?"

"No." 

_(But I kind of want to)_

Jade pushed that thought out of her head, biting her lip so it didn’t have a chance of escaping. "Who did you kiss?"

Tori grabbed the bottle, taking a drink. Jade frowned, disappointed again. "Is it seriously that bad, Vega?"

Tori grinned, feeling a soft buzz start to form in her head. "No…but it pisses you off." She looked at Jade, her grin growing wider. "And that amuses me more than anything.”

"Bitch." Jade leaned back against the sofa, crossing her arms. "Are you going to ask me a question, or what?"

"Of course I am. I'm just trying to come up with one." Tori closed her eyes for a moment, fingers tapping against the floor. "Oh!" She opened her eyes. "I've got one. Have you ever _wanted_ to kiss a girl?"

Jade sighed, reaching for the whiskey once again. Tori started laughing, prompting Jade to glare at her.

"What are you laughing at?" she demanded, watching the Latina shake with bursts of giggles.

"Because…by not answering, you've basically answered it anyway!"

"No I haven't! I just don't feel like answering. Besides, I felt like giving you some competition." She leaned closer to Tori, taking a close look at her. "Though, I must say, you seem to be a bit drunk already.”

Tori pushed her away, crossing her arms as a pout formed on her face. "Am not!"

Jade took her swallow of the whiskey, rolling her eyes. "If you say so. Anyway, it's my turn." She thought for a moment. "Have you ever masturbated?"

Tori stared at her, horrified. "Jade! That's not a question that you ask another person!"

"Well, I asked it."

"You suck." She reached for the bottle, taking another drink. She was really starting to feel the effects of the alcohol at that point, but she was determined not to lose. "My turn. Do you miss Beck?"

"Vega…" Jade began, her voice hinting at the dangerous route the game was taking. "I…"

"Either answer or take a drink."

Jade's eyes narrowed for a moment, and then she turned away, gazing at the floor. "I don't know."

"Come on, I need more than that…"

"Well, I don't have more than that!" Her fists were clenched painfully tight and her fingernails were digging into the skin of her palm, but she didn't care. "I don't know if I miss him! I don't even know if I loved him! I just know that I have no idea what I feel, and I don't want to know it, either! I just want to stop thinking…" Her eyes closed, hands relaxing. "I need to stop thinking."

Her eyes opened, and she reached out for the bottle.

"Uh…you don't need to take a drink…you answered the question."

Jade brought the bottle to her lips, pausing. "Yeah…" she said, tipping a generous amount of the whiskey down her throat. "I know." She coughed, but didn't put the bottle back between them. "It's my turn again." She took another quick sip. “Why aren’t you and Trina on speaking terms?”

“Jade…”

Jade cocked an eyebrow, holding the bottle out to her suggestively. Tori looked at it for a moment, then shook her head.

“I don’t know, really. I think that maybe she’s jealous, or maybe she’s just being, well… you know. _Trina._ ” She shrugged. “Either way, she left a while ago and hasn’t bothered to text me back. So I’ve just let her go.”

“So she’s still just being the same bitch she always used to be,” Jade remarked, continuing to hold the bottle out to Tori, who finally took it.

“Yeah, basically.” Tori looked at the bottle in her hands for a moment before taking a small sip. “Why _were_ you so mean to me back then?”

Jade automatically reached out for the bottle, taking it from Tori’s hands. She didn’t move to drink from it, though, instead staring down at the floor in thought. “I don’t know. A lot of reasons, I guess.”

“Like?”

A laugh, though without much humor in it. “Jealousy? I spent most of high school thinking that you were going to steal Beck away from me. I spent the rest of the time angry that you were getting all of the roles that I wanted, and all of the chances that I thought that I deserved.” She uncrossed her other leg and set the bottle in front of her. “I really am sorry, though. I was wrong.”

Tori remained silent, unsure of the best way to respond. Jade glanced over at her, sighing softly. “Anyway. Uh. I guess it’s my turn again.” Tori just nodded, leaning further into the sofa behind her. “Why didn’t you ever really date anyone during high school?”

“I dated plenty of people,” Tori replied, but Jade was already shaking her head.

“No, you didn’t. Ryder doesn’t count, and Steven…well, I’m not sure _he_ even counts, considering he was cheating on you the entire time.” Jade shrugged. “Other than that, who did you date, Vega? I mean, you never even seemed interested in anyone. You were more interested in getting Beck and I to hook back up than anything, I think.”

Tori fell silent for a long time. Long enough that Jade was beginning to get worried that she had crossed some sort of line. She was considering speaking up again when Tori finally replied. “I guess I was just waiting for the right person to come along. And they never did.”

Now it was Jade’s turn to go quiet as she recognized the familiar pain of heartache in the other woman’s voice. “Vega…”

Tori shook her head. “My turn, right?” Jade just nodded, reaching forward and gripping the neck of the whiskey bottle in her hand, if only for something to hold onto. “Did you ever enjoy any of the performances we did together?”

“What?”

“You know,” Tori swept her hand in front of her, gesturing at nothing in particular. “We acted together, we sang together…did you enjoy _any_ of it?”

Jade gripped the bottle a little tighter, but otherwise didn’t move. “Of course I did. How could I not?”

Tori just shrugged.

Jade went silent for another moment, rolling the base of the bottle on the floor in a circle as she considered her next question. "Back at Nozu all those years ago…did you mean it when you said that I was pretty?”

Tori laughed after a moment, running a hand through her hair absently. “You _are_ pretty.” She twirled a strand of hair between her fingers. When she spoke again, it was hesitant. “Did _you_ mean it?”

Jade nodded, looking up at the ceiling as she loosened her grip on the bottle she held. “Have you ever felt weird around someone?"

"Weird? What do you mean?"

Jade paused before answering. "Like…like you want to throw them against a wall, but you're not sure if you want to hit them or fuck them senseless."

"Oh." Tori glanced over at her, but Jade refused to meet her gaze. "Uhm…." She reached over, grabbing the bottle away from her. She brought it to her lips and swallowed.

"Yeah…me too." Jade held out her hand, waiting for Tori to hand the bottle back. Not that there was much left for her to drink; they had pretty much finished what had been left inside it. Tori handed it back all the same, watching as Jade tipped it to her lips, draining whatever remained within it. A drop of amber stuck to her upper lip, and Tori swallowed hard as she watched her tongue dart out to catch it.

"So…uhm…I guess it’s my turn…" she tried to collect her thoughts, but she couldn't concentrate on any particular one. “Uh…”

"I think we both lost this game." Jade remarked, standing up shakily. She wobbled for a second before steadying herself. She held out a hand to Tori, helping her to her feet. "So…yeah. Let's call it a tie, okay?"

"Okay…" Tori watched as Jade started to walk away, her steps uneasy and careful. "Jade?"

Jade stopped, the bottle resting loosely in her hand, glass against her thigh. "Yeah?"

Tori walked over to her, reaching up to rest a hand on her shoulder. She could feel Jade tense beneath her touch, though the expression on her face didn’t change. "I don't feel weird. I know exactly which one I want to do.”

Jade looked at her. There was a flash of something besides drunkenness in Tori’s eyes, a sort of hunger that made Jade’s mouth go completely dry. "Yeah? And which is it?”

Tori reached down, fingers curling around the bottle in Jade's hand. She took it from her, leaning down to set it on the floor. Then, without warning, she straightened up, pushing the other woman against the wall. A gasp escaped past Jade’s lips as her shoulder-blades hit the plaster, and she didn’t have much time to react before Tori’s left hand was positioned next to her head while her right rested on Jade’s hip. Her lips barely grazed Jade’s ear as she leaned in close. “Fuck senseless.”

With that, she pulled back only slightly so that she was able to draw Jade into a searing kiss.

It took her a moment before she realized that Jade wasn't kissing her back.

She quickly jumped back, holding her hands in front of her. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” she stammered, unable to look Jade in the eye. “"I'll just be going now, okay? Uh, please don't hate me or anything, cause I'm really sorry, and…"

"Vega."

"And….yeah?" Tori finally glanced up at Jade, and found that she was gazing at her with an expression that she couldn’t read, but it wasn’t the anger that she had been expecting.

Jade stepped forward, holding out her hand. Tori glanced at it, then reached out hesitantly, allowing Jade to grip her wrist.

Jade turned around, pulling Tori along with her. Her vision was a bit fuzzy, and she was somewhat disoriented, but she knew that she didn't have far to go.

She pulled them into the bedroom and slammed the door shut behind them, never letting go of Tori's wrist.

"What are…" Tori began, only to find herself being pushed against the door, her body slamming against the wood.

"Shut up." Jade commanded before crashing her lips against Tori’s, not letting her say another word.

This time, the kiss was mutual, and the shock of it almost sent Tori to her knees. Jade nipped Tori's bottom lip, ignoring the gasp that came as a result. Both tasted alcohol on the other's breath; intoxicating and sweet.

Jade pulled away first, taking a gasping breath as her lungs screamed for air. Tori made her move then, shoving her back towards the bed. Jade hit the mattress and fell backwards, her legs hanging off the edge. She tried to scoot back, getting her legs onto the bed before finding Tori on top of her.

Tori leaned her head down, leaving a trail of kisses from Jade's lips to her neck. Jade's fingers clenched the sheets as Tori found a certain spot beneath her jaw, sucking gently. She bit her lip, refusing to let any noise escape her lips.

Tori hadn't failed to catch that, and couldn't help but grin. She moved her lips away from that spot and propped herself up with her arms so that she could gaze down at Jade, a sly smile on her face. “You…"

Jade took that moment to her advantage, bracing with her knees so she could flip Tori onto her back. She planted her knees on either side of her, and shook her head. "Didn't I tell you to shut up?"

Before Tori had a chance to answer, she found her shirt being lifted over her head. She sat up a bit so it would come off easier and watched as Jade threw it in the corner. She didn't look that way for long, though, because Jade's hands were reaching behind her back, fingers unhooking her bra. She allowed Jade to pull it away, the straps brushing against her arms as they went. Jade's top soon followed the rest of the discarded clothing. Tori felt a brief flash of embarrassment, hands reaching up to cover her chest, but Jade’s own hands quickly grabbed her wrists, pushing them back down to her sides and holding them there. Her embarrassment quickly disappeared when Jade leaned down, lips closing around her nipple.

"Oh my god,” Tori whispered, her eyes closing involuntarily. A heat was growing between her legs; an ache that she wanted to make go away, but it kept growing and growing. She closed her legs, trying to relieve herself of the feeling, but it did little. And Jade's tongue was making it rather hard to ignore.

Jade glanced up at her, unable to keep from smiling when she saw the look on Tori's face. At least she was doing something right. She hadn't exactly had practice doing this; girls were a little different than boys.

Different than Beck.

That thought hit her like a freight train, making her pause for a moment.

The loss of sensation caused Tori to open her eyes, panting softly as she tried to figure out what had gone wrong. "Jade?" she saw the uncertain look in the other woman’s eyes and became immediately concerned. "Are you okay?"

Tori’s voice caused Jade to blink, forcing herself out of the trance she had put herself in. "Uh…yeah. Yeah." She smiled, though it didn’t quite meet her eyes. "I'm great."

"We can stop…" Tori began, but Jade shook her head.

"No." she brought her head back down to Tori's breasts, planting a kiss between them. "We can't."

Tori felt her hand trace its way down her body, shivering as she felt cool fingers against her skin. Jade fumbled with the button on her jeans, managing to undo it after a moment. The tick-tack of the zipper followed, and soon, Tori's jeans were being pulled down her legs, off her body. They soon joined the growing pile of clothes on the floor.

Jade was just about to lean down and press her lips to her hip when Tori spoke. “Jade, wait.”

Jade groaned, but stopped, brushing her hair out of her face as she looked up at her. “What now, Vega?”

“Are you seriously okay? Because I don’t want to force you to do anything that…” Tori trailed off when Jade started laughing.

“Vega, you worry _way_ too much,” Jade said, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. “Now, can you please shut up and let me get back to what I _was_ doing? Or do you have more questions?”

Tori just shook her head in response.

“Good.” Jade lowered her head, finally pressing her lips against the skin of Tori’s inner thigh. Tori shuddered as she felt Jade's hand trace its way from her knee up her thigh, her fingernails lightly scratching the skin. Fingers brushing against the thin cloth of her panties caused her to inhale sharply.

Jade pulled her lips away from her skin and brought them back up to her mouth, kissing her lips gently before leaning close to her ear. "This is what you want, right, Vega? To be fucked senseless?" She slipped her fingers underneath the material of her panties, feeling the heat that radiated from Tori's center.

A whimper escaped Tori's lips as Jade traced the outer edges of her, teasing. "Fuck…"

"Is that a yes?" Jade stopped moving, waiting for Tori to respond.

Tori nodded frantically, softly panting. Jade shook her head. "I need words, Vega."

"Yes!" Tori's eyes opened, shining with lust. “Christ, just fuck me already!”

"As you wish.” Jade dipped her fingers between her folds, skin meeting arousal.

Tori's arms made their way behind Jade's back, holding her close to her body. "Oh, fuck…" she moaned, feeling Jade's thumb circle her clit, wanting oh-so-badly for her to just touch it. But Jade had other plans.

She slowly entered Tori with her index and middle finger, tight walls constricting around the digits. She moved them in and out, slow at first, but quickening her pace once she got a rhythm going.

Tori's fingernails scraped down Jade's back, causing her to hiss in pain and pleasure. She didn't stop her pace, though. She kept on going, her thumb finally brushing against Tori's clit.

"Oh my god." Tori panted, feeling herself rise higher and higher. "Fuck…"

Jade could sense that Tori was close, and curled her fingers inside of her, at the same time circling her clit gently, increasing the pressure against it as she leaned down again. “Let go, Tori,” she whispered, barely loud enough to be heard, but it was enough. Tori felt herself release, an almost-silent scream escaping her lips as she tumbled over the edge. Jade smiled, ignoring the nails that raked trails down her skin. She pulled away from Tori, giving her space to come back down.

It took some time for Tori to catch her breath, and when she did, it was obvious that she was exhausted. But she still tried to move onto Jade, wanting to give her the same pleasure that she had just felt.

Jade pushed her back down, shaking her head. "Not now. Sleep, Tori."

Tori stared up at her, a smile slowly spreading on her face. Jade looked at her, uneasy about the look she was receiving. "What?”

"You called me Tori again. " Tori's eyes began to close, and she set her head down on the pillow. "You actually used my name."

"Yeah…" Jade replied, watching as sleep overcame the other woman. "I guess I did." She lay down next to her, staring at the ceiling.

Her thoughts kept coming back to the same damn thing.

Beck.

What did all of this mean? Was she over him? Or was she only using Tori as a rebound; reaching out for the first person who would show her any form of affection?

She rolled onto her side, gazing at the sleeping figure that lay next to her. She felt a smile creep onto her lips as a soft snore escaped the other woman, and it was then that she realized that she actually cared about Tori Vega.

And that thought scared the everloving fuck out of her.


	5. Chapter 5

Tori woke up alone.

Normally, that wouldn't have bothered her. Hell, it was weirder for her to wake up _not_ alone. But, after the events of the night before, she didn't expect to find the other side of the bed empty.

She didn't know what she expected, exactly, but it sure wasn't that.

She sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. God, she was tired. And every part of her ached, though not all of it in a way that was bad. She could have done without the headache, though.

"Jade?" she called out, her voice barely above a whisper as she realized her mouth was desert-dry. She swallowed and tried again, managing to be a bit louder. "Jade?"

Nothing.

She swung her legs off the side of the bed, standing up shakily. Her legs felt like jelly, knees wobbling as she gripped the bedside table for support. It was then that she remembered that she was naked.

She looked around the room, searching for the clothes that Jade had torn off of her. They were in the corner, jumbled up in an indistinguishable pile of fabric. She debated putting them back on, but decided against it. Too much effort.

She walked closer to the door, and finally heard the hollow echoing of water against tile coming from the bathroom. The shower was on.

* * *

Jade let the water run over her body, ignoring the burn it caused when it hit the scratches that criss-crossed her back. Tori had really gotten into her skin, her fingernails tearing away at it in the throes of frenzy and pleasure. Jade didn't care. The pain felt good. It gave her something to focus on that wasn’t the constant stream of questions that kept forming in her mind.

What was she doing? She didn't know. Her mind couldn't focus on anything concrete; all she could see was Tori lying naked on the bed, chestnut hair strewn on her pillow. All she could hear was moaning and cries of ecstasy and the echoing of her own heartbeat.

She faced the stream of water, letting it cascade onto her face. For a moment, she felt like she was drowning; like all the air had been sucked out of her lungs, leaving her gasping for breath as she bent her head forward, redirecting the water over her scalp.

"Fuck." She whispered, her breath coming in short bursts. Her hands steadied herself against the tile wall, fingers trying to find a groove to grip onto.

A knock on the door. She ignored it, pretending it didn't exist.

Again. This time with a question. "Jade? Are you in there?"

Jade sighed, closing her eyes. "Yeah. What do you want, Vega?"

There was a pause before she heard the other woman answer. "Can I come in?"

Her fingers gripped the wall harder. Deep breaths. "Whatever."

The door creaked open, bringing in a wave of cool air. Jade shivered, stepping back so that she was fully underneath the warm water again. A moment later, the door closed, clicking shut.

She could see the outline of Tori's body through the shower curtain. Watched as she sat down on the toilet seat. "Are you okay?"

Jade shook her head, laughing. "I'm great. Why wouldn't I be?"

Another pause. "I…well…I don't know what's going on. I don't know _why_ last night happened, but personally, I didn't…well…."

"Are you trying to say I'm lousy in bed, Vega?"

Jade didn't have to look to know that Tori was blushing. "No! I'm saying that it was fantastic, but there’s so much about this that’s weird and before last night happened, I thought that we were both straight. At least I thought that _I_ was. So, I don't know what's going on, but…" a pause, and a deep breath. "Oh god, please stop letting me ramble on and on.”

Jade laughed again, this time actually genuine. "You really don’t ever shut up, do you?" She didn't wait for a response before continuing. "I don't know about you, Vega, but I'm pretty sure that last night makes us both a little less straight than we thought. And that doesn’t really bother me. Does it bother you?"

"No." Jade watched as Tori stood up, her shadow approaching the curtain. "Can I…"

"The water will get cold if you don't soon, Vega."

She watched as Tori stepped closer to the curtain, delicate fingers curling around the plastic. With a moment of hesitation, Tori started to pull it back, stepping inside quickly, making sure to keep an arm crossed over her chest, her legs pressed tight against each other.

"You know I've already seen you naked, right?" Jade remarked, rolling her eyes. Tori's blush grew even more, spreading across her cheeks like wildfire. She turned her head away from Jade, still not dropping her arms.

Jade shook her head, reaching out with her hand. She cupped Tori's cheek, looking her in the eyes. "You don't have to be afraid of me, Tori."

Tori leaned into her touch, closing her eyes for a moment before letting her arms drop to her side. "It's strange. I lived in fear of you for so many years. The very idea that you don't hate me….that you actually might _like_ me…it's a bit of an adjustment."

Jade stepped closer to her, leaning in to her lips, leaving a lingering kiss on them. "And the fact that you're in the shower with me, naked, is also a bit of an adjustment, but I'm dealing, aren't I?"

Tori opened her eyes, her hand rising up to her face, index and middle finger touching her lips absently. After a moment, she let her hand drop back down to her side and smiled. "You just like me for my body, don't you?"

Jade let her lips brush against Tori's ear, her hands coming to rest on the woman's hips. "Is it really that obvious?"

Tori froze, and then stepped away from her, a pout on her face. "Are you serious?" she said, shaking softly. "I really thought that…"

"Jesus Christ, I was joking, Vega." Jade rolled her eyes, reaching out and grabbing Tori's wrist, pulling her underneath the spray with her. "You are way too sensitive."

"And you are way too mean." Tori whispered, closing her eyes as the water cascaded down her body. She lifted her face to the water, exhaling slowly.

Jade watched her for a moment, a small smile forming on her lips. "Well, if you recall, I wasn't the one who shoved you up against a wall last night."

"Oh, shut it." Tori replied, turning around so that her back faced Jade. She bent down, grabbing a bar of soap. She straightened back up, and was about to start washing, when she felt a hand grip her wrist. She looked over her shoulder, meeting Jade's eyes.

"Let me." Jade said, taking the soap from Tori's hands. Tori let her take it, a flutter of nervousness in her chest.

Jade grabbed a washcloth, her own, from off of the small rack in the shower. She wrapped the soap inside of it and rubbed the cloth against it, setting the bar aside when she was satisfied with the amount of suds on the cloth.

Tori bit her lip, watching Jade’s process. Her body was electrified, every nerve ending seemingly standing on end. The anticipation was driving her insane. So when Jade finally let the cloth run across her shoulder, she almost jumped out of her skin.

"Jesus, Vega, calm down." Jade remarked, her hand coming up to grip Tori’s other shoulder gently as she let the soapy cloth trail down Tori's right arm, then back up, moving on to the left.

Tori took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart. Jade was done with her arms now, moving on to her back. The cloth ran down her spine, brushing over her buttocks gently.

"So, uh…"

Jade stopped, washcloth pressed gently against her tailbone. "Vega, seriously, you talk _way_ too much."

"Sorry," Tori whispered, feeling the cloth start to move again, this time around her waist, over her stomach. Jade had to lean in closer in order to properly wash Tori's torso, her chest pressing into the other woman's back. Tori bit her lip again, trying to ignore the growing ache in between her legs and the twitching muscles in her lower abdomen.

Jade smiled as she felt Tori's body tense up beneath her. That smile only widened when she heard a sharp intake of breath come from the Latina as she moved the cloth over her breasts.

"Christ…" Tori hissed, unable to take it anymore. She turned around, catching Jade's wrist. "You are such a tease."

"Oh, you love it." Jade replied, letting Tori push them both back underneath the spray of water. She took a breath, then found it taken away from her when Tori's lips found their way to hers.

She was about to start kissing back, really kiss back, when Tori pulled away ."Is this…okay?”

Jade bit back her irritation, trying not to snap at her. "What?"

Tori tried to keep her eyes from wandering south of Jade’s own gaze. " _This._ What we're doing. I mean, god!” She brought a hand up to her hair, fingers running through it nervously. “I came over here a few days ago because you and Beck just broke up, and now we're probably about to start fucking in your shower! Is this okay? Is any of this even okay?"

"Does it matter?" Jade retorted, eyes glancing to the side, fingers itching to curl into fists.

"It matters to me." Tori replied, her voice low.

Jade took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment. When she reopened them, Tori found that they were devoid of any recognizable emotion. "Then, no. This isn't okay. None of this is okay, and it wasn't okay when we did it last night either. There is nothing okay about _any_ of this."

Tori cast her eyes down to the floor, not wanting to look at the emptiness in Jade's gaze any longer. "Okay. I'm going to leave then. Make things easier." Her hand grasped the curtain again, starting to pull it open. "I'll see you later, Jade."

Jade grabbed her wrist, preventing her from moving the curtain any further. "I don't think so, Vega."

"Dammit, Jade!" Tori exclaimed, wrenching her wrist out of her grasp. Behind them, the water poured down, the spray misting against their legs as it hit the floor. "Make up your mind! Do you want this, or don't you? Is it okay or not? Because I can't keep second-guessing every fucking thing I do just because I don't know how you'll react!"

The steam was rising, the water seeming much hotter than it was before. Jade gritted her teeth. "It's not okay, but I don't care! I just want this, right now, with you! Why can't that be enough for you, Tori?"

"Because I don't want to be someone you just want to fuck, Jade!" she yelled, her hands balling up into fists. "I don't want to be your rebound!" Her voice lowered, and her shoulders sagged. "I don't want to just be Beck's replacement."

The words hung in the air, heavy and thick. Tori took a deep breath, afraid to look at Jade but doing so anyway. She found that the other woman wasn’t looking at her; instead, her gaze was trained at the curtain next to them, and the water droplets that dotted its surface.

After a moment of silence, Jade sighed, turning around to face the water. She placed a hand on the wall, steadying herself as the water ran over her. For the first time, Tori had a good look at the angry red lines that marked her back. "Tori, I don't know what you are to me right now, but you're not Beck's replacement, and I'm pretty sure you're not a rebound.” She straightened up, turning around to face Tori, though she didn’t look her in the eye. “I can't promise you anything. I can't say that we'll live happily together for all time, or that we'll even start dating or whatever it is that people do these days.” She took a deep breath, finally meeting Tori’s gaze as she exhaled slowly. “But right now, all I want to do is make love to you and forget about the rest of the world for a while. So, can we please do that, and maybe deal with all of this shit later?"

Tori opened her mouth to respond, then let it close. She knew that she should keep pushing the issue, keep fighting to figure out what the hell was going on, but she also really wanted to just let it go and let Jade take her. So, instead of arguing, she leaned forward to meet Jade’s lips, her hands grasping her hips and pulling her close.

Jade was surprised, to say the least, but said nothing. Instead she let Tori kiss her, and kissed her back, letting the endorphins flood over her just as much as the water running over both of their bodies.

And when that water finally went cold, so much time later, neither girl seemed to care. One of them just reached over, turned it off, and went back to making love on the shower floor.

* * *

It was Jade who woke up first, but Tori woke up a moment later when she felt Jade's body lift off of hers. "What’s goin’ on?"

"We fell asleep in the shower, Vega," came the tired reply. Tori opened her eyes, seeing Jade's naked form stepping out of the shower and onto the mat next to it. A hand was extended in front of her. "Come on. Get up."

Tori grasped the hand, letting herself be pulled to her feet. "How long were we out?"

"Don't know," Jade replied, grabbing a towel from her cabinet and handing it to Tori before grabbing her own. "Don't care."

Tori watched her towel off her hair for a moment, then turned away. "We should probably go get something to eat. Or something. Anything."

Jade just nodded, letting her towel drop to the floor. Tori waited for her to open the bathroom door, and when she didn't, she brushed past her and did it herself.

She walked out of the bathroom, making her way to the bedroom. Trying not to think. She may have just spent hours in a shower, but she felt anything but clean. Quite the opposite, really.

Her clothes were still in the corner, but instead of going for them she went for her suitcase, throwing it onto the bed and watching as it popped open. Piles of shirts, pants, and other garments had been hastily thrown in, a rough change to the order and balance that Tori normally had.

Reaching inside the suitcase, she pulled out a pair of black jeans, bra, panties, and a plain white t-shirt. Nothing special. Comfort clothes. The kind of clothes she wore around her friends instead of her fans.

She pulled them onto her body, trying desperately to ignore the whirlwind of confusion that plagued her mind. It was becoming quite the difficult task.

How long had she been here anyway? A few days? A few weeks? She was fairly sure that it had only been a few days, but it felt like forever. Either way, it had been too long.

She made her decision quickly, without thinking about it too hard. She needed to go home. Figure out what her heart was telling her. Isolate herself from the source of the confusion.

She closed the suitcase, pushing down so that it latched. Her hand closed around the handle as she pulled it off the bed.

"Where are you going?” she heard Jade ask, and she had to fight back the shudder that threatened to run through her when she heard the all-too-familiar piercing cold edge in the other woman’s voice. Tori turned, finding Jade leaning against the doorframe, a towel wrapped around her body, shielding her skin from both the chill and Tori's gaze.

Tori met her gaze for a moment, then looked down at the suitcase in her hand. "Home."

Jade nodded, her arms crossed tightly across her chest. “What happened to talking about it later?”

“I just need some time,” Tori replied, though as the words left her mouth, she found that she wasn’t sure that was true. Maybe it was the way Jade looked at her, expression unreadable and empty, or maybe it was because she expected a lot more yelling and was only getting silence, but she found that she wanted to throw the suitcase back onto the bed and pretend she had never said anything. She was pretty sure she was making a mistake and was about to say as such when Jade finally spoke.

"Okay." She stepped out of the doorway, into the bedroom, leaving a path that Tori could make her way through. "See you later."

Tori stared at her, dumbfounded. "You're just letting me leave?"

Another nod, this time without a verbal response. Tori kept staring at her for another moment, then forced herself to look away. She gripped the suitcase handle tighter and began to walk away, expecting Jade to stop her as she made her way through the doorframe. To grab her arm, and pull her into a kiss, or to say something that would _mean_ something, but she didn't. She just let Tori walk past her, not saying a word and not making a move.

Tori made her way to the apartment’s front door, pausing before she turned the doorknob. She glanced behind her, certain that she was going to find Jade right behind her. She was wrong. There was no one behind her.

She turned back around, a sigh escaping her lips as she pulled the door open, stepping back into the real world.


	6. Chapter 6

"Fuck.” A pause, then the slam of fists against the wall. "Fuck!"

It wasn't supposed to go that way. Tori shouldn't have been there in the first place. She could have gotten over Beck just fine without Vega's help. She would have gotten over him, maybe slept with a guy or two that she picked up at a bar and she could have been perfectly fine. She never needed Tori's help, or Beck's pity. The only thing she needed was to be left the hell alone.

But now that she _was_ alone, Jade didn't have any fucking clue what she was supposed to do.

Fucking Tori Vega. What right did she have to waltz in and make her reevaluate every single fucking thing she knew about herself? A week ago, she had been straight, in a committed relationship, and Tori Vega never even crossed her mind. Now? Now she was standing in her bedroom, dripping wet, trying to ignore the memory of soft lips peppering her skin.

Fuck.

Jade closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. Her fists still pressed against the wall, holding her up as her shoulders sagged. After a moment, she exhaled, pressing her forehead against the cool plaster.

She wasn't even completely sure why Tori left. Wasn't even sure if it mattered. The only thing that mattered was that she was gone and was probably not coming back.

Her eyes opened, and she stepped away from the wall, making her way to the bed. She sat down on it, not caring when the towel fell away from her body and onto the floor.

She was alone. Just the way she liked it.

* * *

Normally, when Tori was upset, she went to one of her friends, or her parents and talked it out until everything was better or until she felt she had cried enough about whatever ailed her. But this wasn't a normal situation, so she didn't go to anyone. Besides, what would they say? She could practically hear their response:

_You fucked Jade? The same person who made your life a living hell for so many years? Did you fall and hit your head or something? Also, when did you turn gay?_

Nooooo thank you.

Instead, she just made her way back to her apartment, unpacked her suitcase, and stood in her room, unsure of what she was supposed to do next.

She eventually walked out into her living room, and threw herself down on her sofa, staring up at the ceiling. She lay there like that for a while, staring and thinking and trying not to ask herself what the hell she was supposed to do now because she already knew that she didn’t have an answer.

After a few hours of lying there, she made herself get up and get a notebook from her drawer and sat down at her desk with it in front of her.

She hadn’t been lying when she told Jade that she hadn’t been able to write a new song in ages. Inspiration had been lacking for what seemed like forever, and she was honestly surprised that the notebook didn’t creak from disuse when she opened it. But she finally felt the familiar spark that she once had been accustomed to, and she put her pen to the white blank pages that stared up at her.

The words came slow at first, a trickle that Tori feared would dry up as quickly as it began, but it didn’t. Lyrics began flowing out of her almost faster than the ink could keep up with.

It wasn’t until she had filled an entire page that she realized she was crying.

* * *

Being drunk was something that Jade had a lot of practice with. Normally, she was great at keeping herself level-headed and sane; or, at least, she was good at not getting into trouble. But this time was different.

After lying on her bed and marinating in self-pity for a few hours, she had forced herself to get up and go out into the kitchen where she proceeded to pull a bottle of Jack out of her cupboards before proceeding to down a good portion of it.

Once she was certifiably drunk as a skunk, she decided to call up the very person who had gotten her into this mess.

He didn't answer until the third ring _. "Jade? What’s…”_

"Oh, shu…shut up," Jade slurred, gripping the counter with one hand so she wouldn't fall over. "You… are _such_ a bastard, you know that?"

_"Are you drunk? You sound like you're drunk,”_ came the tired reply. _"You should go sober up or something, Jade, before…"_

"I hope you get crabs," Jade said before laughing, the sound far too unnerving to be genuine. “It’s the least you deserve, really.”

_"Jesus Christ…look, Is Tori with you? I thought…"_

"Oh, you thought Tori was here? No, no, no…." Another laugh. “She left.”

_"She left?”_

Jade shook her head, forgetting that Beck couldn't actually see her. "Fuck you, Beck. Just…fuck you."

She hung up and dropped her phone on the counter before he had the chance to respond.

* * *

Beck stared down at his phone, utterly confused. "The fuck?"

He started dialing another number, holding his phone up to his ear. After a few moments, they picked up.

_"What?"_

He hesitated, thrown off by the irate hello. "Uhm…hey, Tori."

* * *

Tori gripped her phone tighter. "What do you want, Beck?"

_"I just got a phone call from Jade. I thought you were staying with her?"_

"Not anymore,” she replied, gritting her teeth.

_"Okay…well, she's drunk as a skunk, judging on how she sounds. Wanna go check on her for me?"_

Tori glared at the wall, since she couldn't glare at him. "No, I don't. Do your own damn dirty work, Beck."

_"Woah….what the hell happened, Tori? Jade said that you left, but…"_

"It’s none of your business. Goodbye, Beck." She clicked off the phone before he could respond, letting it fall from her hand and onto the carpet. She ignored it as it began to ring again. Instead, she put down the pen she had in her other hand and leaned back in her chair, processing what Beck had said.

Jade was drunk. What else was new? She shook her head and picked the pen back up in an attempt to keep writing. After a few minutes she realized that it was useless. Her mind kept wandering back to Jade.

After a few minutes, she forced herself to get up and grab her jacket before exiting her apartment once again.

* * *

The door to Jade’s apartment was unlocked when Tori arrived. She considered knocking, but figured it was pointless, and just went inside. She wasn’t quite sure what she was expecting to see when she walked inside, but it definitely wasn’t what she found.

What she found was Jade sitting at her kitchen table, staring at an empty bottle and crying. It was obvious that she hadn’t bothered to brush her hair after it had dried, and her clothes appeared to have been tossed on with no consideration as to whether they matched or not.

Tori had been quiet when she came in, so she wasn't even sure that Jade knew if she was there. Since Jade hadn't looked up, she figured she didn’t.

She walked into the kitchen, and pulled out a chair from the table, sitting down across from Jade. The smell of whiskey hung in the air, and she wrinkled her nose, trying to ignore it.

Jade refused to look up at her, and Tori refused to say anything. So they sat in silence, one with tears streaking her cheeks, the other with an unexpected anger burning in her chest.

It was Jade who broke first, glancing up at Tori. Green eyes met cold brown. For a moment, she was nervous. She wasn’t used to seeing Tori angry, and it was enough to make her pause before she decided that she had nothing to lose anyway.

"Why ya here?" she asked, fighting to keep herself from slurring. "Beck call you again?”

Tori didn't answer, instead just staring back at the inebriated woman across from her.

Jade shook her head, pushing her chair back and standing up. "Fuck this." She walked over to her cabinet and pulled it open, rummaging around. She came back out with another bottle, this one half-filled with a deep red wine. She pulled the cork and began to lift the bottle to her lips.

She barely noticed Tori stand up before the other woman was there, her fingers curled around Jade's wrist, refusing to allow her to bring the bottle up any higher.

"Le'go." Jade demanded, pulling her arm back, trying to remove herself from Tori's grip. When Tori tightened her grip, she pulled harder, wrenching her wrist out of her grasp. She pulled back too hard, though, and the wine bottle went flying out of her grasp behind her, crashing onto the floor and sending shards of glass and splashes of red onto her floor.

They stared at the broken bottle, both too shocked to say anything for a moment. Once the initial surprise passed, though, Jade blew up.

"You fucking gank, look what you made me do!"

Tori gritted her teeth, furious. "Me? I'm not the one who decided to get drunk and act like an idiot!" She turned around, walking towards the door. "Fuck it, I don't need this."

Jade reached out, grabbing her wrist. "Don't walk away from me!"

Tori pulled her arm out of her grasp, whirling around. "Don't tell me what to do! I don't need to be yelled at and I _definitely_ don’t need to deal with your self-destructive bullshit!”

"Then why are you even here?!"

"I don't know!" Tori yelled back, her rage finally boiling over. "Maybe because your ex-boyfriend called me, and told me you were drunk? Maybe because I actually care about you and whether or not you fuck yourself up?” She threw her hands in the air, laughing humorlessly. “Or maybe it's because I'm a fucking idiot! What does it matter?"

"It matters because you're in my apartment for no goddamn reason!" Jade shot back, her fingers curled into a fist by her side.

"Oh, fuck you!"

"Just leave me alone, dammit!" Jade turned, walking away from Tori, stumbling ever-so-slightly as she tried to navigate around the shards of glass that littered the ground.

“That’s literally what I was doing! Look at how far _that_ got us!”

Jade whirled around, fury burning in her gaze. “You don’t get to just come waltzing back in here and act like you’re somehow morally superior, Vega! You don’t have the _right._ ”

“Maybe if you stopped acting like an insolent child, I wouldn’t have had to come ‘waltzing back in here’ and I could be at home and doing literally anything else that doesn’t involve getting screamed at by a gank!”

Jade gripped the countertop, eyes daggers on Tori’s skin. “Then get the fuck out! Leave! Nobody is stopping you!” She turned her head, looking down at the floor, lowering her voice. “It’s not like it’s a new concept for you, anyway.”

Tori had had about enough at that point. She stepped over the broken glass, standing a few feet away from Jade. “That’s not even remotely fair.”

Jade laughed, letting go of the counter to hold up her hands in front of her chest, palms out. “Fair? Are you fucking _kidding_ me, Vega? You left! What’s not fair about the truth?”

“I told you that I needed time,” Tori replied through gritted teeth, fingernails digging into her palms.

Jade laughed again. “Yeah, yeah, you needed _time._ And here I was thinking that you wanted to, oh I don’t know, _talk_ through things like you had literally asked to do! But no, I was definitely wrong there, wasn’t I?” She shook her head, disgusted. “You said you wouldn’t leave. You said you would stay. And instead, you’re just like _him._ ”

Tori opened her mouth, absolutely prepared to start yelling again, when she noticed that Jade’s eyes were wet, a stray tear snaking its way down her cheek. Tori swallowed past the lump forming in her throat. “Jade…”

Jade shook her head, angrily wiping the tear away as she turned away from Tori. “Just go, Vega. Sorry that Beck wasted your time. It won’t happen again, trust me.” She began to walk away, biting the inside of her cheek in an effort to fight back the rest of the tears that were forming in the corners of her eyes.

“Goddammit, Jade, you’re not a waste of time!” Tori didn’t let the other woman get far, catching up to her in a few steps, grabbing her wrist. “Look, I’m sorry.”

Jade had already started to pull her arm out of Tori’s grasp when she froze. “What?”

“I said I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left.” Tori sighed, letting go of Jade’s wrist. “I knew I was making a mistake the second I picked up my suitcase, but you didn’t _stop_ me and I thought you would stop me.” She took a breath, finally letting her eyes meet Jade’s. “Why didn’t you stop me?”

Jade stared at her for a moment. “I didn’t think that you _wanted_ me to.”

It was Tori’s turn to stare. “Oh.” She stepped back, scratching her head. “Well.”

“God, we’re both so fucking stupid,” Jade said before reaching out and gripping Tori’s hips. She turned her around so that she could push her against the wall, lips pressed against hers’ in a searing kiss. She was thankful when Tori immediately reciprocated, the other woman’s hands coming up to tangle in her hair.

“I’m so sorry,” Tori whispered after Jade pulled away to try and catch her breath. Jade just laughed.

“Me, too.”

And then Tori’s lips were hot against hers’ again.

* * *

It wasn’t until much later, when they held each other underneath the covers in Jade’s bed, that Tori asked the question that had been haunting her ever since she had dared to kiss the other woman days earlier.

“Does this have any chance of working out?” she whispered, unable to bring herself to turn and look at Jade directly. She felt the muscles in Jade’s arms tense, her grip around Tori’s midsection tightening.

“What do you think?” Jade answered, her tone even and cautious.

Tori shifted backwards, letting Jade pull her closer to her chest. “I’m really hoping it does.”

Jade didn’t speak, merely humming in response. Tori sighed softly, resting her head on her pillow. “I wrote a song about you today.”

“Oh?” Jade murmured, lips tickling against the skin of Tori’s shoulder. “Is it a love ballad or a break-up song where you scream about how I did you wrong?”

“A little bit of both, maybe.” Tori smiled when Jade huffed in response. “But I think you’d like it. Perhaps I’ll play it for you someday.”

“ _Perhaps?_ ”

Tori smiled, closing her eyes. “Yeah. Gotta see how this all goes, first.”

Jade grumbled, but it only caused Tori’s smile to grow.

She was almost asleep when she felt Jade pull her even closer, her hand warm against the skin of her stomach. If she hadn’t moved, Tori would have certainly missed what she Jade next, her voice so quiet it was barely audible. As it was, Tori wasn’t sure if she was meant to hear it, or if Jade had been talking to herself. Either way, Jade’s words echoed in her mind; a lullaby that carried her off to her dreams.

“I’m hoping this works out, too.”


End file.
